Are you a “complainer”? Or has anyone ever said that you were?
I recently met with a friend whose child told her that nobody wants to listen to a complainer. Her understanding of her daughter’s remark was that whenever she had something negative to say, she should instead keep the comment to herself. I guess this would be the equivalent of what Mom used to tell me – “if you don’t have anything nice to say, then don’t say anything at all.”
So, what should my friend do when she’s not happy about something?
Really, the only thing that could help is to change how she’s thinking about it.
Doing anything else is just creating damage.
Here’s why… instead of verbalizing aloud whatever is bothering her, my friend is choosing to keep these thoughts and emotions bottled inside with absolutely no outlet. She says she hates how all this negativity feels.
And you guessed it -- when she stresses, she overeats.
I’m guessing that not having to listen to a complaining mother is making her daughter happy. But it’s making my friend miserable.
We had a great conversation and she says she plans on using the self-coaching techniques we talked about. If you don’t already know what these are, they’re the work of Brooke Castillo and can be learned from her book Self Coaching 101 which can be purchased from Amazon. I think the tools in this book are priceless!
Anyway, forget whether anyone wants to listen to a complainer. Who really wants to BE one?
Being a complainer feels crappy inside. We can all avoid that feeling by changing what we think.
You gotta love teenagers. They really can stimulate some helpful discussions!
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