Blue Rose Coaching

The Right Foundation

Working from my home office does come with disadvantages – like listening to the hammering contractors working on my neighbors’ home addition. These guys have been keeping a beat out there for months now… and it got me thinking.

 

Every day, a group of contractors works on this house. Sometimes the weather is warm and sunny. Sometimes (like today) the weather is cold. Sometimes the needed materials have been delivered and sometimes they need to truck on down to Home Depot. Some days the whole crew shows up for work. Sometimes they don’t because they were up all night celebrating the Yankees winning the World Series. (Yes!)

 

But rain or shine, guys or no guys, supplies or no supplies, my neighbors KNOW that eventually they will have a completed new home addition.

 

How do they know this? Oh, they just KNOW. They know that they’ve got a good chunk of money invested here and they’re going to make that investment work. They have faith in their contractor. They know that if some guys aren’t reliable, then they will find others. They know that if certain materials aren’t available, they’ll find other materials that are. They know that if it’s too wet to put that roof up today, then eventually the rain will stop and the roof will go up.

 

The bottom line is that my neighbors have DECIDED that they’re getting this beautiful new home addition and nothing will stop them.

 

Even though my neighbors have no idea we’re talking about them or that we’re admiring their genius, we can totally take a lesson from them here.

 

Along our weight loss journeys, we can know that some days will be ideal and others won’t. Some days we will take actions we’re proud of and other days we’ll want a re-do.

 

But when we DECIDE that this body IS reaching and staying at his or her natural weight… and we KNOW that regardless of weather, people, or things… we COMMIT and make that INVESTMENT in ourselves… then no matter what, our thoughts are focused toward our goal… and not on life’s challenges.

 

Like my neighbors house… it’s all about the foundation. Creating our natural weight begins with a foundation that speaks

1.  I can do this!

2. I’ll MAKE this happen!

 

Join me on this little experiment. For the next week, I’m going to think these two thoughts as often as I can and then notice the things I am able to do. Then I’ll write about it. I’ll write about your success too if you let me know what you’re up to.

 

Now on to the fun!

 

 

Living Consciously

Having just returned from an overnight trip to our friends’ home, I’m just reflecting on the great times spent with really cool people.

 

One of these cool people is our 25-year old godson that I was lucky to have a fascinating weight loss conversation with. I doubt Aaron would be upset reading here that until last month, I never saw him at his natural weight. Born at 11 pounds 7 ounces, Aaron had always been a big boy. (You notice I’m using past tense here.)

 

Anyway, this handsome bachelor has made some mega-powerful changes to his lifestyle this past year. He works out in the gym. He runs a few days each week in Central Park. He’s made some really big changes to how he eats. Oh, and he’s lost 60 pounds!

 

As we spoke beside the hors d’oeuvres table, he explained that he was unrolling the turkey wrap so that he could eat the turkey only and leave the carb-loaded wrap to the side. Not that he totally avoids carbs at all… but he’s very selective as to which ones he’ll eat and in what quantities.

 

Not only are these healthy changes Aaron has made to his eating and exercise habits, but he’s been able to be consistent in spite of his 60-hour workweeks.

 

He looks amazing. He’s created a new lifestyle. And he’s really happy.

 

But the main reason why I believe that Aaron will always be at his natural weight is because of one thing he repeated to me a couple times. He said:

 

            I eat very consciously now.

 

He didn’t follow a diet… He created his own.

 

He didn’t tell himself he was fat… He told himself he could be thinner.

 

He didn’t tell himself that because he was never thin, he could never be… He told himself that if he made some changes, he could reach his natural weight.

 

He didn’t tell himself he was too busy… He structured his day to create time for self-care.

 

This Columbia grad has always been really smart. Now he’s thin too. His key is very simple… stay conscious. BRILLIANT!

 

Lose The Doubt, Then The Weight

Nothing holds us back like doubt – especially self-doubt.

 

Recently I met a woman who wanted me to coach her AND promise that my coaching would make her lose the excess weight.

 

She didn’t just mention this. I mean she really was caught up on how much effort she’d already put into losing weight and how fruitless her efforts had been. She wanted assurance that my weight loss coaching was her magic pill.

 

I told her that the reason she wanted my guarantee was because she knew I couldn’t give her one. And she had already told herself that without my guarantee, she was not going to take the risk of beginning yet another weight loss journey.

 

What she was saying, in essence, was: I don’t believe in myself, but if you believe enough in yourself, then I’ll be able to get what I want.

 

There was NO WAY I was buying into THAT belief system!

 

But I did guarantee her that if we chipped away at that self-doubt and worked on getting her to feel confident, then the weight loss would not only come, it would come easier.

 

Self-doubt really stinks! I know because I’ve felt it. I also know that I create self-doubt whenever I judge myself according to my past or according to what someone else is doing.

 

My new client is getting out of her self-doubt rut by learning to take risks differently. No judging. No looking back. No comparing.

 

No guarantee… but I have a feeling this risk will be different from those past!

 

 

FOOD -- DO NOT ENTER??

While reading a newspaper article offering weight loss tips, I was inspired to write about just how much I disagree with one of the author’s points.

 

The tip recommends that if someone is trying to lose weight, it would be best to not accept invitations or attend functions where lots of “high-calorie” foods will be present.

 

Okay, I suppose that if I don’t go near food, then I can’t eat it. So, maybe this tactic would prevent me from eating this particular food. But is this really the best approach for a person who wants to lose weight?

 

Absolutely not!

 

When I think of the best strategy for attending functions with lots of food, I like my strategy:

 

Know that no matter what I ever did in the past, it’s totally possible for me to attend any food function, eat good fuel foods, and stop when my hunger is satisfied.

 

How do I know this? Well, for starters:

1. Other people do it.
2. There’s a first time for everything.
3. I am stronger than any food.
4. I’ve done harder things than this before.

 

The list could go on and on, but my point is that achieving permanent weight loss involves believing better and truer things about ourselves. While avoiding certain foods may keep off a few pounds, we will never grow as human beings by avoiding certain situations. Facing these situations with a whole new mindset is truly the path not only to success, but also to happiness.

 

So, if you’re someone who has created lots of evidence in the past for overeating at social functions, then gather up your pen and notepad. Start with my list above as you generate your own list of evidence for new possibilities. 

• List all the people you know who are able to attend functions and not overeat.
• List all the things you were able to do for the first time. 
• List areas in your life where you or someone else has noticed that you are strong.
• List things you've done or endured that were hard.  

 

Okay… I know you’ve got quite the list. I rest my case!

 

FedEx Lost Your Motivation Package?

I’m planning on doing that as soon as I get motivated! Yup, as soon as that motivation gets here, I’m doing that. My announcement sounds really good and usually I even have a plan to kick into place once the FedEx guy drops off my motivation package.

 

Well, I don’t know about your FedEx guy, but mine keeps losing that motivation package… and I’m beginning to think it will never arrive.

 

And that may be a good thing! As I’ve recently learned, motivation really isn’t something that happens to us. It’s something we find ways to create for ourselves.

 

Sure… it would be much easier if suddenly we felt motivated. But for those times when it’s just not happening and we wish it were, I do not recommend waiting.

 

The best way I know to feel motivated is to think motivated thoughts. “Yeah… Yeah… Yeah”, you’re saying. You’ve heard this before and tried it a few times, but it never worked for you. Right?

 

If this process sounds familiar, then my hunch is that your motivated thoughts didn’t cause a motivated feeling for one big reason… you say you can’t find any proof for your new, motivated thought. It would make sense that we would think this. After all, we know what our reality is and we want to be truthful and call it like we see it. But if we don’t have something that we want, is talking over and over again about its absence actually going to bring it to us?

 

The answer, of course, is no… and we can both think of things in our lives that prove it.

 

So why not try thinking motivating thoughts? What goal would you like to reach in your life? What thoughts could you think about this goal that would cause you to feel motivated?

 

If losing weight is your goal, thinking that you can’t find the motivation is not only going to cause feelings of hopelessness and despair, but it’s also going to create a result of not losing the weight. On the other hand, thinking that you have all that you need and that you can learn how to use it is going to cause you a more hopeful feeling and will also cause you to take actions that are more in line with losing the weight.

 

So what if this method of attaining our goals goes against what we’ve been lead to believe since childhood? We do have an option here. We can continue thinking and believing what we know to be our reality and keep getting ourselves more of that same reality. Or we can start thinking thoughts that will bring us to our goals.

 

For me, the choice is a simple one. I want to reach my goals and I’m absolutely fascinated with my new understanding of how to achieve them. While action is a necessary component to reaching my goals, I know that the actions will come easier and count for more if they’re preceded by good-feeling thoughts.

 

I love how motivation feels. I love feeling it run through my veins. I’m happy to create intentional thoughts that allow me this feeling. And I’m also happy to let Mr. FedEx know that he can keep the package. I know that I can create motivation on my very own… and no shipping charges!

 

Swimming With A Crutch

Most of you already know I’ve been swimming a lot to get ready for my first triathlon coming up this summer. But I don’t think I’ve written yet about this “pull-buoy” I’ve been working out with.

 

I started using this small flotation device (that fits snugly between my knees while swimming) because I was having trouble with my kick. No matter how I altered my kick, my lower body wanted to sink.

 

Another swimmer suggested I try the buoy because it would help me stay afloat while I was learning to work the breathing. She was right. So, I figured I’d just swim with the buoy until I get my wetsuit, because I’m told that the wetsuit really helps with flotation.

 

So, here I am six months pre-race, still swimming with my pull-buoy and an elderly man in the pool begins telling me how I should try the same swimming stroke he’s using. He was proud of this stroke he researched on the Internet and he thought I should try it. So I did… with my pull-buoy.

 

After a couple laps, I asked him what he thought of my new stroke and he said that in order for me to do it right, I needed to drop the buoy. Not intending to sound insulting, he said that I was moving through the water like a barge, and that I needed to move more efficiently, like a yacht. He went on to say that I needed to get rid of my “crutch”.

 

Ouch!

 

He was so right. I had allowed myself to become dependent on this foam device and I really doubted that I could swim without it.

 

That was the story on WHY I dropped the pull-buoy last Friday. Today was my second full workout without it and I swam thirty laps (more than ¾ mile). Not only am I amazed that I’m doing this, but it feels so much better.

 

I had to thank George today for saving me from drowning in that sad story. I had convinced myself that I could not swim without help. The pull-buoy was helping me stay afloat, but it was also holding me back from doing what I can totally do for myself. My body may have been floating, but my dream to swim by myself was sinking.

 

This makes me think… are there other things in my life that I’m using as crutches? Any other dreams I'm allowing to sink? Hmmm? How about you? Got any sad stories being told in your head?

Closer Or Farther Away?

Something that’s coming up in my practice pretty often these days is that clients are making comments using the phrase “I blew it”. We’ve all heard this expression before (maybe we’ve even said it ourselves!).

 

“I blew it” usually means that I just did something I wish I hadn’t done. It’s impossible to change it after the fact, and where we get into serious trouble is when we use this “blown” action, to validate or excuse the next actions we’re about to take.

 

I remember using the “I blew it” philosophy during my high school days. If I got a low score on a test, rather than study for the next test, I’d just tell myself “I already blew this marking period with that low score last week, so it won’t matter what I score on this test. I’ll just start studying next marking period”.

 

This “I blew it” rationale definitely didn’t serve my grade point average well in high school and I’m now seeing how it doesn’t serve my clients very well either.

 

What I finally realized much later in my schooling days was that one test score was going to affect my grade however it was going to affect my grade. But where I actually hurt myself was when I let that low grade affect how I did things in the future. Sure, hindsight is 20-20, but I can only imagine how much higher my grades could have been if, rather than using the “I blew it” philosophy, I just told myself “Okay, this grade just took me a little further away from my goal. What can I do now to get a little closer?”

 

It’s a little late for my grades now. But we can all be a little gentler on ourselves for some of the things we do.

 

It does happen sometimes that we overeat.

It does happen sometimes that we miss a workout.

It does happen sometimes that we make poor food choices.

 

Let’s all do ourselves a favor next time. Instead of using the “I blew it” philosophy, let’s just ask ourselves compassionately “what can I do now that will get me CLOSER to my goal?

 

Try it. See how it feels. And let me know.

 

Draw The Line In 2009!

Oprah’s at it again. She’s using her most challenging personal situation -- her weight (most recently, her 40 pound gain) -- to appeal to us all. Her message, as I’m hearing it, is plain and simple: “Hey People—I’ve taken myself off my own priority list and look what it’s done to me. My name’s going back at the top of that list! How ‘bout joining me?”

 

Could she be any more direct???

 

Any of us who aren’t happy with the results we’re getting in our lives are smart to join Oprah on this worthwhile adventure. Her experts are on board and brilliant ideas for self-improvement are everywhere – television, magazine, XM Radio.

 

They’re educating us with first-rate suggestions and it’s all boiling down to one thing – self-love.

 

Let’s not waste time focusing on WHY we fell off the self-love wagon. But let’s do focus on what we CAN do to jump back on and stay there.

 

I’m telling all my clients that it’s time to draw the line in 2009! It’s time to look at the things we do that don’t serve us and love ourselves enough to stop doing them. It’s time too, to think about the things we “wish” we were doing and start doing them.

 

Draw the line… on thinking trash about ourselves.

 

Draw the line… on feeling lousy because of something someone else said or did.

 

Draw the line… on judging ourselves based on how we look, or the number on the scale.

 

Draw the line… on stuffing our emotions with food.

 

Draw the line… on thinking we “can’t” do something just because we haven’t done it in the past.

 

These are just the beginning… where else can YOU draw a line in 2009?

 

Nobody Wants To Listen To A Complainer

Are you a “complainer”? Or has anyone ever said that you were?

 

I recently met with a friend whose child told her that nobody wants to listen to a complainer. Her understanding of her daughter’s remark was that whenever she had something negative to say, she should instead keep the comment to herself. I guess this would be the equivalent of what Mom used to tell me – “if you don’t have anything nice to say, then don’t say anything at all.”

 

So, what should my friend do when she’s not happy about something?

 

Really, the only thing that could help is to change how she’s thinking about it.

 

Doing anything else is just creating damage.

 

Here’s why… instead of verbalizing aloud whatever is bothering her, my friend is choosing to keep these thoughts and emotions bottled inside with absolutely no outlet. She says she hates how all this negativity feels.

 

And you guessed it -- when she stresses, she overeats.

 

I’m guessing that not having to listen to a complaining mother is making her daughter happy. But it’s making my friend miserable.

 

We had a great conversation and she says she plans on using the self-coaching techniques we talked about. If you don’t already know what these are, they’re the work of Brooke Castillo and can be learned from her book Self Coaching 101 which can be purchased from Amazon. I think the tools in this book are priceless!

 

Anyway, forget whether anyone wants to listen to a complainer. Who really wants to BE one?

 

Being a complainer feels crappy inside. We can all avoid that feeling by changing what we think.

 

You gotta love teenagers. They really can stimulate some helpful discussions!

 

Take That Power BACK!

There’s a question in the Prework packet I send to all my new clients that asks, “Do you think you’ll be successful with this weight loss program?” And while many of the responses are very positive, the ones that say “I hope so” and the ones that list contingencies are the ones I find most fascinating! 

This is always an area I like to explore right in the beginning because there’s so much there! 

When I use the word “hope”, I use it in reference to something I’d like to have happen, but that I don’t think I have control over. For example, I’ll say, “I hope you feel better” to someone who’s sick. Or “I hope you get into the college of your choice” to someone who’s applying to schools. The reality in both these situations is that I really can’t affect the outcome of either one.

But, for someone to say that they hope they’ll be able to lose weight, I see a big red flag signaling that this person really doesn’t know how much control is right there inside her. Someone who hopes for her own success is judging her present ability based on her past performance. How do I know this? 

Because I have waved that flag myself. 

Here’s my story… I used to think that my body was the size it was because of my genes and my habits. I knew my genes couldn’t’ change and I thought my habits couldn’t either. Until one day… July 6, 1980. That’s when I made the decision that I could create change IF I DECIDED TO. I’ll never forget that day. It was a day when I took back my own power. It felt awesome. The weight didn’t come off that day, but I knew it would. I knew what I needed to do and my new mindset made it easier for me to do it. Notice that before the weight could come off, the mindset had to change. 

How about you? Have you ever hoped for something without realizing just how much control you have in getting it? 

Set yourself up for success by KNOWING rather than hoping. While the fact may be that you have not been successful in the past, all that means is that you have not yet discovered the power that exists within you. It didn’t just happen that one day for me… I consciously decided to do it. You can too!

Let today be the day you take YOUR power back!